I’ve pondered the saying, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing,” which is most often credited to George Bernard Shaw. Variations have been attributed to American psychologist and educator, G. Stanley Hall and English philosopher, Herbert Spencer. At face value, I understood the saying to mean that more playing, more activities were the cure for growing old and that doing fun things in life would ultimately extend our lives. The wisdom in the quote is two-fold.

The act of playing certainly helped my 90-year-old mother get through the stages of dementia. Music and dance had been key connections for her. When I became her full-time caregiver in 2019, mom was in the third stage of dementia but still had a lot of enthusiasm for life. I realized that keeping her engaged was the way to keep her alive. Long hours without activity caused her mind to disengage and disconnect from interactions and life. On good days, she would languish and become pleasantly absent. Her language skills diminished to become brief, confusing phrases and stutters. Plants, pictures, and inanimate objects became companions to greet. There were difficult days when anxiety would take over and mom would begin to shred books and magazines to keep her mind engaged. Bringing mom back to “life,” so to speak, seemed miraculously easy once we established a daily routine of music, movement, and dance. When I played music, especially My Girl, by The Temptations, anything by Elvis, Harry Belafonte, or Frank Sinatra, mom’s energy soared. We sang, danced, hugged, and kissed. The activity affected mom’s mood positively for hours. She became more interactive and more verbal. Short, incoherent phrases become full sentences. The joy of the activity made her want to live. We joined a weekly singing group sponsored by the Parkinson Association of the Rockies. The euphoria of singing at the top of her lungs with a group of peers, waving her arms around like a conductor, and yelling “BRAVO!” after each song, lifted her spirits and energy for the rest of the day. Dance made mom come alive, also, and was the highlight of her week. Playing well is undeniably one of the best prescriptions for living long and well.

Yet, there is another layer of meaning to the well-known saying. True, we grow old faster and speed up the inevitable when we are inactive. But aside from packing our days with activity, we are also encouraged by the quote to develop a sense of play, a playful spirit. We grow old because we lose sight of our playful spirit and stop playing. To engage in any activity requires a willingness to play, to participate. Cultivating a sense of play is the motor that drives the actual act of playing. We’re encouraged to be playful, curious, engaged with whatever aspect of life that makes us feel connected to others and the world around us. The HelpGuide.org stresses the importance of adult play to improve brain function and improve relationships and connection to others. Connection to others is particularly vital at later stages of life to alleviate isolation. Social isolation is associated with increased mortality. A sense of play gives us permission to reach out and explore the things to which we are drawn, and to find others for play.

How do we cultivate and nourish our sense of play? Dr. Stuart Brown (no relation), founder and researcher of the National Institute for Play, created a “play personality” model to identify ten types of personalities in the area of play. Finding one’s “type” can be helpful self-exploration in preparation for finding the most suitable playground. It’s also useful to keep a journal, making note of the activities and things that spark interest or are reminders of interests from childhood and young adulthood. We can observe, record, and rediscover how these interests can be reclaimed.

The journey of self-discovery doesn’t have to end at any given point. Phoebe Catlin had been writing her memoirs about life as a teacher and guidance counselor for many years. She was 100 years old and in assisted living at a facility in St. Petersburg, Florida when we first met. I decided to publish her stories through my print on demand publishing company. Phoebe’s autobiography, I Could Tell You Stories, was released in 2020. She was 103 then and was thrilled to be able to enjoy her life’s passion before passing away six months later. Her story reminds us to keep following our passions for as long as possible.

Finding and developing our sense of play will lead us to find new playgrounds. What talents, skills, or interests have lain dormant in us over the years? Even activities where we lack talent can bring great joy as we explore how untalented we are in that area. The key is to find our bliss and immerse ourselves in play.